Moonlight Sonata
by Linneam
Summary: They'd always known Remus was a werewolf; they'd been with him every month for a year. But they never stopped to question what would happen when something went wrong. Then they found out. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Well, here goes nothing. I've had this little plot bunny in my head for a month or so now, and my new FF friend Alice encouraged me to write it. I'm glad she did. For a heads up, it's looking like it will be around twelve chapters, and I'd like to have it done before I go back for next semester, but I can't promise that. Disclaimer is an obvious one (Harry Potter = Not Mine), and reviews will make my day, basically. Let me know what you think, I beg you. And being the shameless solicitor I am, if you like NON-AU stuff, check out my other fics. They're very much canon, mainly Lily and James based with a couple exceptions. Thanks, and Enjoy. :D**

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><p>"Come on, let's go," Sirius griped, his body already invisible underneath the cloak as he waited for his fellow animagus to join them. "We're going to be late. And getting him out of the Shack when he's already changed is almost impossible."<p>

James grunted his reply, and Sirius sensed a bit of irritation lurking in his tone. "Oh, sod off. We'll have plenty of time. The sun's not even really setting yet." Regardless, his pace quickened, and within seconds Sirius felt his body pressed against Peter's and his own under the increasingly too small cloak. "Let's go."

The trio's booted feet thudded loudly against the icy brick, and the occasional first year glanced around at the sound, but overall, the common room's noise shielded their presence as they followed one of their classmates- a certain red-headed prefect- through the portrait hole.

"Just let me talk to her," James whispered urgently, staring at his love through the mesh-like screen. "It won't take long."

Sirius unleashed a sharp, bark-like laugh, only to receive an urgent elbow to the side from James. "It never does, mate. 'Hey, Evans, go out with me.' 'No.' The end. Why don't you just let it go? A random snog would be good for you. As it is, I know these two twins in Ravenclaw-"

"Padfoot," James muttered threateningly in his ear as he slipped from underneath the cloak, "I love her. Hey, Evans!"

Lily Evans whirled around, anger and a small hint of confusion already splayed across her face. "No, I will not go out with you, Potter. Is there anything else?"

As Sirius snickered at his friends instant failure, James fell into step with her. "I just wanted to let you know how _ravishing_you look today," he answered smoothly, guiding her subconsciously toward a library-bound staircase. "Where are you going this fine evening?"

"To visit Hagrid, not that it's your business," she answered briskly, pulling away from his implied direction. "And to get away from you, incidentally."

James snorted loudly, his eyes scanning her body in a manner Sirius hoped she didn't catch in fear for his best mate's life. "Well, you won't get away from us going that way. He's invited us over to go into the forest tonight. Shan't return 'til sometime tomorrow morning, I suspect. Still want to come along?"

Rolling her eyes, Lily turned back towards the library-bound staircase. "No thanks. I'll just study then. See you later, Potter." And before he could follow, she took off down the steps.

"Crisis averted and you still didn't get a date," Sirius murmured laughingly, again pacing the group quickly down the stairs toward the entrance hall, a delighted bounce in his step. Though he hated to see Remus in pain, he and the other Marauders lived for their monthly adventures. "I told you it wouldn't work, mate. It's been six years already. I don't think she'll change her mind between now and the end of next year. Now about those twins."

"She was almost out there," James fretted, seemingly stuck on the fact that _his_Lily had almost been in danger. "She could have seen us, seen him." Then, snapping out of it, he grinned. "Good thing you and I can take him, huh?"

"I'd ruddy well think so," Sirius muttered, grinning. As a dog, he was nearly as big as the wolf, and Prongs was a bloody stag. If the two of them couldn't take on a rabid wolf, he would have to seriously question their power as Marauders.

Finally, the group reached the grounds, and Sirius paused, taking just a moment to let the surroundings sink in. Snow crunched beneath his feet, and the still falling flakes glistened in the light of the sinking sun. Everything felt fresh and new, even the late November air in its cool crispness. Tonight was going to be a great night.

Footprints appeared out of seemingly nowhere as the group crept through the twilight, and suddenly, a rat joined the footsteps, scuttling to the base of a familiar flailing tree and landing on a large, swirly knot halfway up the base.

"I'll go get him," Sirius half-whispered, a hint of anxiety creeping up his spine. As much as he tried to hide it, he hated this part; Sirius would have to spend the next few minutes reassuring his best mate, attempting to remind him of his humanity before the Wolf took over. The only relief he found in doing so hid within the comfort of knowing that Remus didn't have to go through these moments alone and wouldn't have to again as long as he had a say.

Since their second year, the Marauders had developed a distinct hatred for the Wolf. He wasn't Remus; he wasn't _human_. And Remus _wasn't _the Wolf. As much as he claimed to be at times, the Marauders knew the truth. Moony was bright, loyal, and overall, probably the best person amongst them. Sometimes Sirius just had to tell him that.

"Moony!" Sirius shouted down the tunnel, beckoning his friend as he reached the door. The young werewolf staggered through the door, and Sirius' arm almost instantly snaked its way around his pseudo-brother; he looked ready to collapse. "Are you ready for this?"

Remus offered him a tired smile, and Sirius felt a good portion of his friend's weight shift onto his shoulders. This month was going to be a rough recovery, it seemed. "Oh yeah. Nothing like spending a night dealing with badly behaved rabbits."

"Right," Sirius chuckled. Step by step, the pair stumbled through the tunnel. Then Sirius felt the shake. "Faster," he whispered, all but picking his friend up they reached the surface. "You know who you are, Remus. You're a human, a man. This doesn't change that. You will always be a man." And then, they changed.

For Sirius, it was painless. A flick of his wand, and suddenly, he was on four legs, watching as Remus quaked and howled and... Took off? That never happened. Usually, before anything else could happen, the wolf went for them; they played or raced. The Wolf never just bolted.

Sirius turned, and his heart caught in his throat, blocking the bark that attempted to escape. James wasn't a stag. He was on the ground, his eyes frantic as he patted the snow that surrounded him. "I can't find my wand," he shouted urgently, his voice filled with a terror Sirius could imagine. "It fell out of my pocket when we hid the-"

The boy never finished his statement. Sirius bolted, trying to stop the attack, but the Wolf was too fast, its resolve too sound. Before he could make it, before a wand could be found, its teeth found James' shoulder, and it was too late. But the wolf was not appeased.

The snow flecked with red, and Sirius dove between the pair deflecting, the Wolf with none of his usual mercy. _It hurt his friend, _the one person in his life who would take him in when his entire family rejected him. It deserved no mercy.

Sirius' own teeth sank into its flesh, tearing it away from the human at its paws. Snarling, yelping, the pair bolted for the forest, and Sirius spared one last thought for his wounded brother, hoping and praying that Peter would have the sense to fetch Madam Pomfrey before it was too late.


	2. Chapter 2

**As you can see, the second chapter is up! Read, enjoy, and review when you're done. Thanks. :D**

The sun could not rise soon enough for Sirius. With blood in its mouth, the Wolf was a monster. Even separated from the source of its craze, he couldn't calm it well enough to play or rest. It just kept fleeing, always searching for its way back to the Willow, and Sirius was growing unsure of his ability to keep it at bay.

Finally, the first rays of sunlight peaked over the horizon, studying the earth and its change since their last appearance. Sirius briefly imagined how much the Marauders' lives had changed in the last few hours, and he wondered other differences they would discover around the world.

Slowly, their light melted the moon back into the horizon, and the Wolf disappeared, leaving an exposed, battered, and shivering Remus lying in the snow. Sirius too transitioned back, slipping his outer cloak around the other boy's shoulders and carefully scooping him up in his arms to make the short journey back to the Willow.

The walk took longer than normal; Sirius' body ached, and only the cold kept him from taking a break halfway through. Finally, after what felt like hours, they neared the castle, and Sirius nearly stopped in his tracks. Kneeling in the snow immediately ahead was Madam Pomfrey, but she was not alone. Directly in front of her lay James, unmoved from where Sirius had left him hours before.

"Is he alive?" Sirius asked instantly, accidentally jostling his passenger in his sprint for the older woman. "Is he... Okay?"

In that moment, there was one thing Sirius swore he would never forget: though her eyes were filled with confusion, the Madam did not question or lecture him. She simply murmured, "He's alive," and with a flick of her wand, transported both injured boys to the hospital wing with Sirius stumbling behind.

In the warmth of the Hospital Wing, everything seemed to catch up with Sirius: James had been bitten; he'd spent the last seven hours battling the beast lurking within Remus; every gash and cut on his body stung; and he was exhausted. But he could not rest.

"Lay down, Black," the Healer ordered, barely sparing him a glance as she attempted to assess both of his injured friends. Remus was placed in the little back room he always occupied after transformations, and James was scarcely on a bed before she began working, fetching potion after potion for the unconscious boy.

Sirius shook his head, attempting to take everything in. "I'm not tired. Can I help?"

"You need to rest," she answered briskly, prying James' mouth open and pouring a blue-tinted liquid down his throat first, almost immediately followed by a purple one. "I promise you that all three of you will be well cared for before you wake up."

"No," Sirius answered again, more insistently this time. He'd already been with them this far, and he wouldn't abandon them now. "Let me help. Just tell me what to do. I learn fast."

"Mr. Black," the Madam answered irritably, finally looking him in the eyes, "I assure you I am skilled at what I do, and I can take care of these two. Just rest, and it will all be taken care of when you wake up."

Sirius had had enough. He loved Madam Pomfrey; he would always appreciate how well she had patched them up over the years, especially Remus. But she could not understand all they had faced that evening; until he knew they were okay, he would not rest. "Damn it, Madam. I don't want to rest. I can't. You have no bloody idea what we've been through tonight, and there's no way you can take care of both of them at once. So just tell me what to do already."

After surviving one of her icy stares, she finally surrendered. "Watch your language, Black. And grab that roll of bandages from the cabinet back there. Third on the left."

Sirius fetched it quickly, ignoring the painful twinges in his muscles, and from there, she kept him busy cleaning wounds or seeking out potions, and within the hour, James had been patched up.

Remus was a scarier prospect for Sirius. Every wound on the boy, from the bite marks in his shoulder to the scratches across his back, was Sirius' doing. Now that it was Remus he could see- not the Wolf, not his friend's attacker, but Remus- the guilt was back. "C-Can I do it?" he asked timidly, watching her wrap a clean bandage around his friend's shoulder.

He suspected she would say no, but after a long, studying gaze, she offered out the roll of gauze. "Wrap it tightly, but not too tightly, okay? Poor thing. I wish I could do more for him."

"Me too," Sirius whispered, gently supporting his unconscious friend's back as he messily swaddled the wound. He'd never been around immediately following a transformation (though not due to lack of trying), and the sixth-year really wasn't certain of how to handle himself. It was eerie.

His hands moved clumsily, but eventually, he'd completed his task up to the Madam's standard. She had already finished the rest. "Alright, Black, your turn," she said matter-of-factly, leading him out of the small room. "Sit."

It took him a moment to heed her orders, but after a sidelong glance at James, he obeyed. They'd done all they could... But still. "They will be okay, won't they? Both of them?"

In a motherly tone he'd heard only from Mrs. Potter, the matron replied. "They'll both be alright. James has a long journey ahead of him, but he'll survive, and Remus has pulled through worse than this. Can you tell me what happened, Sirius?"

He frowned and attempted to shake his head, but he couldn't. Whether it be his exhaustion or simply his need to lay everything out in the open, he had to talk. And so, he spilled everything. There was no emotion in his words- no fear, no sadness... Just a numb truth as he disclosed all of their secrets- their transformations, their knowledge, their... Friendship. He explained every detail of the night, from James' chat with Lily to his night-long battle with the Wolf. And she just listened, her lips pursed.

"It wasn't Remus' fault," he concluded quietly, the first trace of worry entering his voice. "They can't expel him. He never wanted us to do what we did, but we didn't listen. We just wanted to help, to make him better... Every month, _every_month, he tells us he can go alone; he tells us not to come. But we always do. So don't let them blame him, okay?"

"Lay down, Mr. Black," she murmured quietly, helping the sore boy get comfortable beneath the covers of the bed nearest James. "I promise you, I will not let anything happen to them, but you won't do them any good ill and worn out from staying up all night. Just rest."

Nodding slightly, Sirius closed his eyes, and he felt a warm cloth dabbing at what he guessed was residual blood from one of the night's earlier scrapes. "I'm proud of how you've handled everything, Sirius," she whispered, her touch gentle as she moved to another scrape. "They are very luck to have you as a friend, you know."

Though he heard her words, his exhaustion-addled brain could not form a response, and eventually, even her mutterings melted away as sleep claimed him for the day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, here goes nothing, take three. Again, if you're not a fan of AU, then check out my other stories. Otherwise, another thanks to Alice for her opinions, aide, and motivation. You should probably check out her stories: "The White Sheep" and "The Tears." They're pretty great. :D You should also REVIEW because they make my day when they appear. Otherwise, see you next chapter. :D **

Sirius' eyes remained closed for nearly eighteen hours, and he bit back a groan as he awoke, unsure of why he wasn't in his own bed and why he felt like he'd been trampled by hippogriffs. Then he heard the voices.

"I still can't believe it," a woman's voice murmured, her words laced with a thick Scottish accent. "James a werewolf... And those three animagi. With Peter barely scraping a P in my classes. I just can't believe it."

The next voice was nearly surprising enough to lift Sirius' lead-heavy eyelids. "The more I think of it, Minerva," their Headmaster murmured quietly, "the easier it is to believe. They've shown before that they will go to any lengths for one another. I cannot believe this time would be any different, now that I think of it." He paused. "How are they, Poppy?"

"Well enough," the Matron answered. Sirius felt the corners of his lips fall; she sounded exhausted. "Remus has suffered worse at the Wolf's hand-" He appreciated that she referred to it as the Wolf rather than, 'his own', "and James is hanging in there. He's got a long road ahead of him, I'm afraid."

"And Sirius?"

Madame Pomfrey gave an exasperated sigh, a sound the boy had grown painfully familiar with in the last few years. The Marauders had earned a good few of them throughout their little stunts. "The Wolf ravaged his body just as badly as he did the Wolf's, but he won't stay down long enough to let me treat him. I actually had to slip him sleeping potion after he dozed off last night to make sure he rested. When he's up, he's wandering around and insisting I treat the other two first. It's admirable, but I don't understand it."

Again, it was Dumbledore who answered, and Sirius' eyes flickered at his words. _He was on his side._ "I do. Remember, Poppy, that Sirius was raised in a household where love was nonexistent. The love he found with his friends, in that light, is nothing short of a miracle. Can you blame him for wanting to protect it with everything he has, even if it means hurting himself?"

"Albus," Pomfrey asked, almost nervously, after a moment of tense silence. "What will happen to them? I promised Sirius they would be... Okay."

"The boys," Professor Dumbledore answered clearly, his chair scuffing as he- from what Sirius could guess- stood up, "will continue classes as normal, but we will have to create a fixed excuse to disguise it. It would do Mr. Black well-" Sirius felt a hand rest on the foot of his bed- "to know that Hogwarts is not a place to snatch love or friendship from those wise enough to fight for them."

Sirius blinked, but that one swift glance was enough to catch the crystal blue gaze fixated on him. His head bobbed slightly, the best acknowledgement he knew to show. And then his consciousness faded again.

The sun was up when Sirius next awoke, and this time, he pried the still-heavy lids fully open.

Next to him, James was still asleep, his face oddly peaceful. For some reason, Sirius hadn't expected that but was relieved to see it all the same. Gingerly, he climbed out of bed and padded to the loo in the back corner. Sometime during his sleep, he noticed, his tarnished school robes had been swapped out for the same hospital wing robes James and Remus had been put in the night before. The sleeping potion must have been stronger than he'd expected.

Once in the small room, the boy finally took stock of his injuries. The anticipated bruises did indeed bruise, and the gashes down his back were only just beginning to scab over. His chest, too, was wrapped without explanation, and being the naturally inquisitive person he was, Sirius couldn't leave it at that. Carefully, he tugged at the gauze, wincing as it separated from the still-open wound. The skin was red and deeply gashed, but only small splotches of pink appeared amidst the greys and purples of the bruising. _No wonder it hurts,_ he thought sarcastically, his hands fumbling as he sloppily redressed the wounds. Finally content with his assessment, the young man hobbled back to his bed, gingerly settling on its edge. "G'morning."

"Good morning," the matron answered cheerily, her eyes bright in spite of the dark circles below them. Without missing a beat, she handed him a small purple vial, something he recognized for the night before as a pain-relief potion. Certainly unwilling to turn it away, the Gryffindor downed it in one swift gulp; its relief was almost instant.

"Do you ever sleep?" Sirius yawned, not quite meaning to be so forward but to sleep-addled to help it. Then gaining a bit more grasp on himself, he added quickly, "How are they?"

"Well enough. I've kept them asleep as long as I could to give their bodies time to fight some of this off before the emotional shock gets them too. And yes, Black, I do sleep. Just not when you hooligans are afoot." She smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Sirius lied smoothly. Briefly, he glanced around the sunny room. Every other bed was bare, the Marauders filling the only occupied beds. Otherwise, it looked like a normal hospital wing with its stark white bedding and clean walls. One difference, he noted, was the small lamp lit on the Healer's desk; it hadn't been there yesterday. She'd been staying up for them, even before the night's conference. "You should sleep. I can watch them."

The matron chuckled slightly, shaking her head. "I'm fine, Black. I would not be able to rest knowing you weren't resting."

"I've been resting all night," he griped, his voice raising slightly and his ribs twinging slightly in spite of the potion's aide. "You saw to it. I'm awake now, believe me. I can take care of them."

Pomfrey's eyes were softer now, but her tone was firm. "Black, you wouldn't be able to hold one of them up now. Adrenaline was on your side yesterday, but your body can't handle much of anything for the next few days. Because of the Wolf's claws and teeth, I can't help you any more than I already have."

"I'm fine," Sirius half-growled, pulling himself out of bed just to prove it. His chest puffed painfully out, creating little black specks in his vision, he walked- or more staggered, as he would later admit- one lap around the hospital wing, finally pausing to look her in the eyes. "See?"

Unfortunately, she did. He was sure the Madam could see the sweat beads glistening on his forehead; hear the shallow, labored breaths he struggled to take; and feel the almost-feverish heat radiating from his too-tired body. But she didn't argue; instead she simply placed a gentle hand on his upper back and guided him back to his bed, and irritably, he succumbed. But as he settled back beneath the blankets, he saw something that froze him entirely.

His friend's hazel eyes were open... And staring at him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Since I couldn't reply to the review, I just wanted to shout out to Alyssa for her review; it was very much appreciated! To your correction, I guess I want to give a bit of an explanation. As his head of house, I pictured McGonnagall always knowing that Remus was a werewolf because she had to (and because she's Dumbledore's right hand woman). But with** _**human**_** James being bitten, it's the new shock getting to her… I'm really sorry if I didn't communicate that clearly, and I hope that clears things up again. Thank you again for the review! It made my day to see the Review Alert in my inbox this morning. :D Also a huge thanks to the people who favorite it this morning, those emails made me smile as well. Thanks, guys!**

**Now… Onto the chapter! (P.S. If you review and request it, I'm seriously thinking of writing a couple outtakes of how James and Remus handle the news Sirius gives them..**

Whatever Sirius had been thinking in that moment, it was gone. His best friend was _staring at him_. Awake! Alive. "Morning, sunshine," Sirius murmured, his words still labored from his earlier stint. "Glad to see your bright and shining eyes."

"Sod off," James muttered with none of his usual gusto. "Merlin, what happened?"

Madam Pomfrey opened her mouth, and Sirius coughed loudly, drawing her eyes to him just long enough to shake his head. _He_ was going to handle this because he knew if it were him, he would want James or Remus to tell him. If nothing else, he owed them the same. "The Wolf went a little crazy last night, Prongs."

"Doesn't it always?" James shifted his weight, partially turning away from Sirius to remove some of the pressure from his wounded shoulder; his neck swiveled around to watch his friend. "What aren't you telling me?"

Frowning, Sirius pulled himself to his feet, teetering slightly and inadvertently drawing the matron to his side. "I'm fine," he hissed, beginning the trek to his friend's bedside with some unrequested aide from their friendly school-wide healer. "You dropped your wand before you transformed… Remus-"

"Bit me." James' words were hollow, the realization settling coldly. Sirius attempted to read his friend's expression, but it was blank, numb. He thought that was the scariest part, the numbness, but James' next words scared him more. "Remus bit me."

"The _Wolf_ bit you," he amended softly, his grey eyes sad. "Remus didn't do it; he wouldn't."

The pair fell silent, watching each other cautiously. After a few tense moments, Sirius spoke. "How are you?"

"My shoulder hurts."

Sirius snorted mirthlessly, the corners of his mouth lifting in a wry smirk. "Usually happens when something sinks its teeth into your body. _How are you?_"

"I'll let you know when I do." Sirius' frown deepened at the defeated tone hidden in his friend's words. "Just give me some time to think about it, alright? We'll talk later."

"I'm holding you to that."

And then they sat. Neither friend needed to say a word; it was both understood and accepted that conversation not only unnecessary but unwelcome. It was enough to just be there.

Eventually, James dozed back off after some much-needed fretting from Madam Pomfrey, and Sirius finally had the opportunity to truly appraise him. His color was awful. He was unnaturally pale, and his lips were dry and flaky. But more importantly, more frighteningly, the peace he had seen on his brother's face was gone.

Madam Pomfrey's hand on his shoulder roused Sirius from his light rest he'd faded into. Subconsciously, he growled at her.

"Now stop that, Mr. Black. Remus is awake, and if earlier was any indication, I thought you would be the one who wanted to tell him."

Sirius was on his feet as quickly as was possible with his current condition. "I do, er, I am. Just- uh- I'll go."

And so he did. Somewhere in his gut, Sirius suspected this conversation was going to be a bit harder than the last. "Hey, Moony. How ya feel?"

"'M alright. How're you?"

"'M alright," Sirius answered earnestly, toning down his usual post-moon mocking. "This was a rough one, wasn't it?"

"I haven't woken up this destroyed since I was left alone with the Wolf. What did I try to do?"

Sirius froze, picking his own brain for a way- _any_ way- to bear this news. James had known; he'd remembered or something painfully similar to that… "It was more than try this time, Moony. We couldn't stop the Wolf this time."

"Who?" That one word was the most painful Sirius ever heard him speak.

Sirius wanted to lead into the news, to build up to it, but he couldn't. He couldn't string this out. "James. But he's alive and awake and not in too much pain."

"He hadn't transformed yet." It wasn't a question. It wasn't uncertain enough to be a question.

"No."

Then there was more silence. If Sirius was tired of anything, it was silence. He'd never liked it: not as a kid, when he was trapped alone and friendless; not as a teen when he knew his friends were angry with him; and certainly not now, when his two best friends were going through Hell and he could do nothing to fix it. Sirius hated silence.

"You don't have to pretend to be okay with me. I mean, you can leave."

Remus' words made him jump. "Leave? Blimey, why would I do that?"

"I'm a monster. I- It was enough that you stood by me when I hadn't hurt anyone, but now… You and James should hate me. Don't feel like you have to be here. I'll make it."

Hands caught momentarily in his hair, Sirius shot him a frustrated glare. "I don't hate you, Moony. Bloody Hell, if I did, I would've let you run off last night and said good riddance. You're one of my best mates. Stop being so thick."

Remus opened his mouth to protest, but Sirius cut him off. "No. I'm staying. The end."

Nodding, the weaker boy yawned. "How is he?"

"Sore. Confused. Afraid, I'm guessing. Just imagine how you felt the next morning. That's what he must be feeling right now."

A great sadness worked its way onto Remus' face, and Sirius regretted his words almost instantly. The first days had been a rough time for the boy, even as a child; Sirius had yet to even hear the full story. "Then he's a lot more than sore and confused, Padfoot."

He nodded, and the pair fell into the ruddy silence that seemed to mark his day. Eventually, Remus dozed off, and Sirius took the briefest moment to examine his face. Then, thinking that peace was something painfully scarce for the Marauders that fateful morning, Sirius fell asleep in a chair for the second time that day.


	5. Chapter 5

**So… I had kind of decided to leave this story be, since there was a strong inclination that no one was actually reading it… But then my friend Lindsey tweeted at me the other day, asking me if I was ever going to update this one so she could know what happened next. That was **_**really**_** encouraging to me, so I'm continuing this because of her (I mean, obviously, I've always wanted and planned to finish, but she gave me the motivation to do it **_**now,**_** rather than in a year when I have nothing going on). Thanks, Lizzie! :D**

**I also went back through and read what I have so far, and I'll admit that I'm not happy with the quality of this fic, but I am going to try to get some new stuff up and rewrite once the entire thing's up. Now, all that said, on with the chapter!**

Sirius left the hospital wing two days later, still sore and hobbling and ridiculously dependent on pain potions, which didn't entirely matter; he spent his every free second alternating between his friends' bedsides, taking his potions as often as necessary. Everything was strained, broken. He joked with James; every muscle in James' face contorted, forcing a weak, emotionless smile. He tried to catch Remus up on homework; Remus' eyes stayed on the page, refusing Sirius even the briefest glance into his grey irises. Peter was still hiding somewhere, too ashamed at his cowardice to show his face. _Nothing _was normal, and Sirius hated it.

Finally, on Tuesday evening, the Matron blew her top. "You were excused from classes for the week to rest, to relax… NOT to stay under my feet, run around, and cause yourself _extra _worry. Get out, and come back in the morning for your next potion. You can visit them then. Until then, sleep in your own bed or talk to Peter or go out by the lake or… I don't care. Just do _something_."

So he was shooed out and found himself alone by the lake, his thoughts and the setting sun his only company. He missed them. _A lot. _Even Peter, with his stupid questions and annoying persistence, would have been a welcome distraction. _Anyone_ he called a friend would have helped.

The Gryffindor had attempted to focus all of his energy on his friends' reactions, so much so that he hadn't quite allowed himself one yet. He wanted to keep that trend going as long as possible. So though her touch startled him, Lily Evans' hand on his shoulder was a _very_ relieving sight. "Evans?"

"Is Remus okay?" She plopped down in the dust next to him, only mild regard for her robes. Her voice was perfectly business-like, very little emotion anywhere to be seen. Classic Evans. "Glad to see you too. I'm-"

"Sirius."

Sighing, Sirius mimicked his best friend; he ran his fingers through his hair. "He's okay."

"Did he-" She stuttered, and Sirius momentarily confused by her faltering confidence; that was entirely new to him. "Was his- um, transformation a hard one this month?"

Sirius froze, his jaw dropping almost to his chest. She knew. Lily Evans knew. "Oh, bloody hell. How long have you known?"

"The beginning of third year, when he missed Potter's first Quidditch match. I'd wondered why he disappeared every month before that, but when he missed his best mate's match… I put it together." She was almost apologetic in her explanation, and Sirius was torn between shouting and consoling her.

"You've kept the secret for three-and-a-half years… Almost as long as we have. Does he know you know?"

She nodded slightly, blushing. "I… Asked him last year, after he missed rounds. I'd never seen him so scared, like he was waiting on me to run away screaming or something. Once he found out how long I'd known, he loosened up a bit. I would never tell anyone. I swear. Just- Is he okay?"

He was torn; the longer he was away from his friends, the more he thought about what was happening and the more his brain felt ready to explode. He'd given facts and assessed his brothers' reactions, but he'd never discussed how he felt on anything so far. Some part of him, apparently one not as small as he'd imagined, needed to do so. Finally, he shook his head.

"What happened?" Lily asked, her voice small.

The knot in Sirius' throat made it extraordinarily hard to answer; he swallowed roughly, trying to shove it somewhere further down his esophagus, which lasted for only a few seconds. "How do I know I can trust you?"

"I've kept Remus' secret since I was thirteen. I would never let anyone hurt him. I told you that."

Sirius sighed. "But this isn't just Remus' secret; it's all of ours: mine, James', Peter's. I need to be able to trust you even when it means rules were broken. Dumbledore knows everything, but-"

"Sirius, I promise you… Anything you say here is completely private. If it's this big… You can trust me."

His breath quivered, his exhale coming out in little, wavering spurts. "I'm an animagus… A dog. James is a stag; Peter's a rat. We've always…. We go with Remus every month; he doesn't hurt himself as badly when he's not by himself. James didn't change fast enough this month, and I- I couldn't stop the Wolf in time. I screwed up."

Lily opened her mouth, but he shook his head slightly, not yet finished. "James can't smile; he won't talk about it. Remus barely says a word and won't look anyone in the eyes. They're both going through hell, and I could have stopped it, but I was too slow. Now nothing's going to be the same. Either they'll both bond and get closer than anything because of this, or their friendship will be ruined forever. Either way, I'm going to lose my best friends. I hate this."

They were silent for only a few second before he felt Lily's arm wrapped harshly around him; he groaned, stiffening, and she released immediately. "Sorry. I guess you're not one for hugs…"

He chuckled slightly, only to wince again. "Broken ribs. I had to get the Wolf off James; Pomfrey can't heal it because of the werewolf's fangs or whatever. Hugs are fine."

"I'm so, so sorry about everything Sirius. But no matter what happens, I don't think you'll lose them. They'll make up in time, but they'll always need you; you'll make them feel normal, you'll listen to them. You're they're best friend. And you saved James' life, even if you didn't save him from… You can't blame yourself for not knowing." Her arms wrapped around him, gently this time, and he leaned into the hug briefly. A tear slid down his face, instantly cooling in the winter air. He wiped it away as quickly as he could manage. She didn't mention it.

The pair sat for a few of the longest moments of his life, and Sirius wept for the first time, his ribs aching all the while. Only Lily's shivering next to him finally pulled him to his feet. As he offered her a hand, his eyes widened: She'd been crying too.

Together, the two new friends returned to the castle, only as they separated to their respective stairways. "Good night, Sirius."

"Good night… And thanks."


End file.
